Tools of the trade

This week has been a weird one.  For starters, this is my second post of the day when two weeks ago I couldn't even squish together enough coherent sentences to make one weekly post.  So hello mojo, welcome back you sexy beast.

The second weird thing is that we've apparently plunged into a slew of crap weather.  It's freezing, wet and dark outside.  So we're right on track for our English summer.  Everyone grab their wellies.

The third thing, apparently there's three things.  Is that this post has been in my drafts folder for a while,  I started it a few months back whilst drinking fruit wine and cooking a meal. (Why do they call it fruit wine... isn't all wine fruit wine?) I opened it up earlier this week and decided to finally finish it off.

 So it was a lot longer, and at one point there was a paragraph about whales and blowholes that I've erased because it was just as weird as it bloody sounds.

So to set the scene, a slightly drunken me, dancing around my kitchen gazed at her dog, her friend and her spoons and realised she couldn't do her blog without them.  Then she picked up her new sharp knife and realised that there were many 'tools of the trade' that help her every single day.

Plumbers have plungers, business people have fancy suits, waitresses have comfortable shoes and builders have their bum cracks, here's mine...

A Collection Of Wooden Spoons

I have gone through about 20 plastic/silicone spoons in my short time here on this earth.  I have melted them in toffee (by accident, I wasn't making a strange new flavour), I have set them on fire, I snapped one trying to open a tin of golden syrup.  They are just too easily destructible for my cooking style (Which is apocalypse-esque, since you asked).  Before you suggest what I think you're about to suggest, I don't do metal spoons, you can't lick them clean without second degree burns, so we always come back to ole faithful.

You just can't beat a large collection of wooden spoons.

Yes large.

A Fancy Knife

It took me a while to fork out for a fancy knife because "They all do the same job" - but I eventually took the plunge and bought myself an all singing, all dancing set of knives.  Man, that made it sound like my knives are extras in a Disney movie. But they aren't.

And now I've made myself sad.  Poo.

Anyway, in my totally boring non dancing set of knives, lives my new favourite fancy knife.

I swear to god that thing is so sharp it could outwit Sherlock.

It slices through onions like air and it makes cutting up potatoes feel like slicing through cheese.  Who knew chopping up stuff didn't have to constitute a workout... I never knew that every session didn't have to end with your blade stuck half way through a butternut squash.  I didn't know you don't HAVE to look constipated as you chop up vegetables.  My eyes are now as open as my freshly cut vegetables.

Good knife = Less work.  There are of course, downsides...

Pffft, I can do that.

First Aid Kit

They say that with great power comes great responsibility.  I say, that with big fancy knives, comes a few bloody fingers.  In fact, as a girl who has been to the hospital many times due to her accident prone-ness, I can testify that the kitchen is the number one place to store a nice little box of plasters and a first aid kit

That big fancy knife I was telling you about?  If it can slice through a potato like it's cheese, it can go through your finger like it' cheese.

Wow, still not good with the metaphors.

After I bought my first fancy knife, I cut off a small piece of my thumb, made a scary slice into a finger nail and chopped into the side of my finger.  All in the first 3 days.  My hands were decorated in various plasters and bandages.  I felt like such a badass.  Oh who are we kidding,  I am a badass.

You're probably thinking I should be more careful, or perhaps buy pre-chopped veggies, and if you are, then my mum is right behind you, victoriously cheering on that statement.  But I'm not paying extra for a machine to chop up my veggies and the few cuts I do get ARE me being careful.

A Dog.

Save hours of sweeping up by getting your own personal living hoover!  Genna will follow me around the kitchen, licking up spills, bits of meat or general crumbs that have fallen on the floor during the cooking process.  She will also alert me to dropped vegetables by kindly informing me that there is something on the floor that's inedible.  I also know if something good is on the go if she comes and sits in the kitchen doorway, giving me the stink-eye.

Friends That Love Food

If you look up the definition of foodie in a dictionary you've got a pretty decent view of why my friends are helpful to me.

Oh okay, wait, no let's try that again...

er... okay hold on

Oh screw this.

The point I was trying to make is that all of my friends love food.  Yes, I know that everyone loves food, but what I mean is this: we host dinner parties and throw dinner parties sometimes, just to try a new recipe that someone has found.  We send each other recipes, and blogs we like the look of.  If one of us gets a new kitchen toy, the others want a full and detailed review on it's workings.  For instance HINT A friend got a smoker for his birthday HINT and I know he's going to create magic with that thing.

We go to restaurants that look amazing, and send each other the menus before we go.  Some of my friends are so awesome at cooking, it inspires me to try out their styles & recipes.  This makes it a hotbed of recipe inspiration, and means that I'm never lacking in new methods to try.  They are my ultimate tools.  Did that come out right?

Oh who cares, I'm proud of my douche-bags.  KEEP ON ROCKING.  Or foodie-ing.  Or whatever.  I forgot what I was talking about because it's dinnertime.


  1. Well, I don't have a fancy knife set..might just add it to my wish list :-)) Love the definition of foodie.

  2. I need a better knife set, I'm a little bit scared of them though! My boyfriend likes to remind me that blunt knives cause the most accidents but a friend of ours told me a very horrible story once about chopping the end of his thumb off and now I'm a major wimp when it comes to cutting things! I'd definitely buy a singing, disney style cutlery set though! x

  3. You posts are the ONLY posts I read start to finish! You crack me the fuck up... LOOOOOOOVE all of these and thanks so much for making me laugh today! Now write MOREEEE!


  4. Oh I am so jealous of your knives I would love a fancy pants set of knives! I am that constipated looking vegetable cutter you mentioned.....


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