Make 2015 your b*tch


There's a reason I haven't been blogging lately and that's because life has thrown a nice pile of crap my way and I'm currently clearing through it. -Waves from my crap mountain, where I have made myself queen-

Don't worry, I'm not going to go into details.

I love to tell a good story, I'm renowned for turning a short tale about how I fell over in the street into an alluring 8-part drama worthy of BBC adaption, but I don't do moping 'feel sorry for me' rants.  I don't write them well and they make me feel worse.

It's like feeling on top of the world, and having someone come and ask you "Are you okay?  You don't look well" and suddenly you start thinking "You know what, I don't feel so good..."

It's all about mind-frame.  As Billy Ocean once sang, when the going gets tough, the tough get going.

When a string of bad luck hits you, it's tempting to revel in it.  Alas, just as there's bad stuff around you when the good times hit, there is good stuff around you when the bad times hit.  You just have to look a little bit harder for it.

Which is why, during my own personal run of crappy luck, I've decided to tempt fate (COME AND GET ME A-HOLE) and write about it on Friday 13th.  Boom.

I've scoured the internet and the deep recesses of my own personal experience to come up with this guide to making 2015 bow down to your greatness.  Time is passing, might as well grab it by the nuts and make the most of it.


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I'm not talking about going mental and bungee jumping into the abyss, (unless that's your thing) you don't have to risk your life or do crazy stunts to be living life to the full.  Just get out of your comfort zone once in a while.  This was the best piece of advice ever given to me.  Don't think, just say yes.

My natural instinct when offered things out of my realm of comfort is to say no.  I go to the worst case scenario.  I think about the bad things that could happen.  I have let opportunities pass me by instead of grabbing them by the collar and screaming TAKE ME WITH YOU.

By saying yes, you open up a whole new world of stuff to experience.  Last year, from saying yes I made new friends, got to spend a day baking with a Great British Bake Off winner, got to travel and see shows I wouldn't of otherwise, I got some cool stuff and best of all, I got to spend hours with some hilariously awesome people.

Before I did all of these things, I was a nervous wreck, but I did them anyway and about 98% of them were brilliant.  Obviously there are things you should say no too:  For instance getting into a cage with a bear or going to see 50 shades of grey because 'everyone else is'.  But use your common sense, and the worse thing that can happen is you will make a boob of yourself.


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I am a short arse,  naturally clumsy, and a bit of a tit.  It used to bother me immensely, but then I realised I'm surrounded by friends and family that either find it endearing or put up with it anyway because of my other amazing qualities (like my modesty for instance.)  It's so tiring trying to be something you're not, and I had less incredible friends when I was pretending. (Circa 2004 Emma who was really cool, and had more than two bras and didn't set herself on fire regularly)

You're probably not that bad!  I hear you say.  Oh yeah?   I've sat on an old mans lap because he blended into the chair, I was quite fat then so he actually made a sound like a whoopee cushion.  I dyed my whole mouth blue eating macaroons at a blogger meet up.  I told someone dealing with divorce to open her legs to new opportunities when I meant to say heart, so I can't do soppy either apparently.  I'm so bad at small talk I usually end up talking about something weird like farts.   I'm awkward as hell and it makes me uncomfortable at times, but at the end of the day, I'm cool with that.

You either read that and thought "Fantastic, when can we hang out?"  Or are thanking the heavens we're separated by miles of virtual internet.

The fact is, that even though it's not nice when people don't like you, if you're the latter it doesn't end my world because I know I can have fun with the like-minded former.

I can't change the fact that I'm short, or that sometimes I am the reason everyone stops talking because I accidently shoved my fat ass into an old mans face.  My thinking is as long as your kind to yourself, and accepting of the parts of you that you can't help, and do the same for others, then life can be brilliant.


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It's important to be healthy.  It's important to eat right and do some exercise.  I'm not debating these things, but in my life, I try not to focus on much else regarding my weight.  In my opinion, If I can move about, have barely any health issues and can afford to eat lovely nourishing meals every day, then I feel like a bit of a twat complaining about a tiny belly that I gained just before Christmas because I ate too much chocolate.

I've covered this subject before, numerous times, because it's an important issue to me.  There isn't single one of my friends or family who is bed bound from obesity, or struggles to exercise.  They are all brilliant, talented people.... and nearly every single one of them has complained to me that they are fat, cannot be seen in public and need to change.

It makes me mad, not because they feel that way, but because they measure their worth on the amount of fat on their bodies when I think they are the bees knees just being themselves no matter what their weight.

I mean I could be alone here but straight away if someone mentions a friend or family member of mine,  Their personality is their image.  Whilst none of them claim to be beautiful, they are to me.  When I describe them to people I brag about the amazing things they do, how fun they are or the hilarity they provide.

I never say "Oh yeah, bla di bla...?  Well, she's got a bit of an arse on her, but her rack is on point." 


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We are constantly bombarded with expectations.  For instance, Now I've been married for nearly a year, I'm receiving pressure to procreate when I'd much rather travel, spend a few years being selfish and having lie-ins.  We're told we should have our careers sorted out, have perfect relationships, be grown ups, have mortgages etc etc.  Whilst it's good to set goals, sometimes, these expectations are damaging.

What about those of us who don't know what we want to do yet?  What if you are struggling to find a job at all?  There isn't an age where you wake up and have things suddenly figured out.  So ignore everyone elses expectations, and set your own.

This year, I'm going to travel, and spend my money on experiences.  I am going to write this blog how I like it and not worry too much about appearing grown up or put together.

Screw the expectations, and if anyone says "You're too old to do that"  or "You're too young to do that" or "Your eggs are dying"  tell them to bog off because it's your life and if it makes you happy and doesn't seriously hurt anyone else, then keep on truckin'.


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Have you ever sat there at the end of a month and thought "Where the hell has all my money gone?"  If so, then welcome to adult-hood.  A place where bills, home repairs and travel take up your hard earned money.  The problem is, unless you've recently headed up a meth empire, become a professional footballer or have written a best selling book that sold millions - you can't really impulse book a holiday, or spend a large amount of your pennies on non-essential stuff. (At least not without some hard saving.)

The thing is, with some advice and realistic ideas, you can save up for something without taking a major hit on your social life / outgoings.  At the moment, husband and I are saving for a year of travels, shows and trips with friends.  So we went over our spending to see where we could cut back.

Well you could blow me over when we worked out that we'd spent over £650 on lunchtime coffees and roughly £400 on shop-bought lunches and close to £500 from 'spur of the moment' purchases that ended up being a waste of time and money.  That's over a thousand pounds on non essential expenses that we don't miss by cutting out.

We also realised that by swapping supermarkets and with occasional meal planning, we could save over £30 a week on food.  That £30 a week is a saving I don't even notice and it's pocketing us £1560 a year.  So, already I've got nearly £3,000 staring at me from my savings account before I've ever tackled my tea, DVD and book addiction.  That's a pretty snazzy rainy day fund.

The deal is, it's up to us to make 2015 an awesome year, no matter what life throws at us.  Wether we are travelling, having babies, learning to like ourselves or starting a new venture.  Whatever this year brings you, I hope it kicks ass.  Bring it on.

Have a great weekend.


  1. I want to give you a huge awkward person hug right now, I love all of this. I hope you're alright x

    1. Always appreciate a huge awkward person hug! :)

  2. Sorry to hear that you have been having a rough time, Emma. Hope everything works out for the better as soon as possible, so you can make your goals a reality and travel more this year.
    You too have a great weekend!

    1. Cheers Angie! It will be all be fine soon, can't be amazing all the time :) thanks for reading, hope your weekend is awesome!

  3. Basically every time I read your blog I am quite convinced you are my British doppelgänger and that if I was a lesbian we should be married.

    This is bloody brilliant! LOOOOVE it and believe all of this and just love reading your writing!

    Can it be TFIF every Friday please?!

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    2. Cheers Sophia, If we were married, the food and beer at the wedding would be awesome. That was my first thought.

  4. You're awesome and you always make my laugh my arse off, so don't change a thing. Well, except for blowing money on coffee and store-bought lunches. Cut that crap out right now (that's the old, wise me counseling you). :-)

  5. Loved this post. As always. You rocked that blue food colouring by the way x

  6. I'm sorry to hear you have been having problems, I hope they are starting to sod off now and things settle down for you and that 2015 is the kick ass year you hope for :D

  7. This is seriously all you need to know in life. Okay maybe a few more things...but these are some of the most important! Amazing perspective and you say it so WELL! If you ever come to the US we need to hang out.

  8. Great advice Emma, hope the mountain of crap becomes a molehill soon!


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