Creepy vintage food adverts

12/05/2014


Watching TV the other day, Husband and I were laughing at how ridiculous most adverts are on TV.  People riding dancing elephants to sell car insurance?  A woman doing an Irish jig with a greyhound to advertise a gambling site?

What a load of bollocks.

You wouldn't have that in the 'old days'  would you?

You mean the days where they would sell insurance and syrup with pictures of baby arses?


 They aren't even the only examples I could of come up with in my search.  The past is littered with pictures of baby bums.

I found women humping processors calling them sexy, I found 5 year old being sexed up, I found racist soap ads and, overall, have come to the conclusion that advertisments have and always will be, utterly bonkers.
Here are 14 creepy vintage food advertisements to give you nightmares.

Merry Christmas.




Good with bacon?!


Scene: Old timey advertising agency.

Ad guy 1: Right, let's brainstorm on this sauce account.
Ad guy 2: Okay, here's my thoughts...
AG 1: Hit me.
AG 2:  Think little red riding hood, with the basket and everything.
AG 1: I'm liking it so far.
AG 2: But PLOT TWIST it's a boy, he's a bit of a scamp who has written on the fence and now he's running away...
AG 1: I love it.  Why is he running?  Did someone see him?
AG 2:  I was thinking, and stay with me on this... I was thinking he could be running away from a worried pig.
AG 1:  Hmmmm...... How worried is this pig?
AG 2:  Moderately.  It's moderately worried.  Like it was trying to avoid you in the street, but you saw him and now he has to make awful small talk with you.





AG 1: Perfect.  Draw it up.

That's how I like to think the brainstorming for this particular picture went down.  Winstons' face (I've called the pig Winston by way) is one I shall be using to show contempt, confusion, disgust and hatred from now on.


What makes a pudding genuine I wonder?



"Try this plum pudding, or don't - whatever - I don't even care what you think." - Sassy Chef.

I love this picture.  I think it's because the chef reminds me of Christopher Biggins, (I have only fond memories of him as pantomime dame) or because he's just so sassy remains to be seen.






Creepy Mr. Bean



First course: Beans.  
Second course: Your immortal soul.

The first picture to legitimately give me the creeps.  The smile that says you're next, the creepy under face lighting.  The fact that it's coloured as red as the flames of hell.  You want to know the REAL creepy thing?  IT WORKS.  I WANT SOME BEANS.

Be good = get crappy cornflakes.  No win.




And when mothers back was turned, she murdered her with a spoon
Because what she really wanted was pancakes.

I can't speak for any other parents out there, but I got breakfast in the morning whether I was very very good or not.  If I did, by some miracle, happen to be an amazing child, I got pancakes, which was a big deal because my mum hated making them.  You know what else?  Most poems rhyme and it annoys me that this one doesn't.

FLIPPITY FLOP!



We won't talk about the fact that spam burgers give you the slippity slops.

Flippity-flop is now my new favourite swear word.  Two thumbs up for artsy colouration of the most unappetising looking burger on the planet.


"He rides in on an English toasted muffin?"



"I'd avoid that Frankie Doodle Dandy, Give him a blanket of cheese and he'll open his legs for anyone"

You have to stop what your doing right now.  Out there, in the past, is a recipe with the phrase "Dip into boiling water until arms and legs spread"  This exists.


You can trust Otis.  He's 'rugged'.



-You know what would make me buy cereal?
-What?
-Children playing in between the legs of a giant thrusting Scotsman.
-...ok.

I literally have no words.

Silence of the fish



My Italian is rusty and awful, but I'm pretty sure this roughly translates to Tavern of Live Fish.  Let that sink in.

They were aiming for Disney, they got Thomas Harris.  The only way to describe the horror of this picture is to imagine a terrifying giant in a chef hat gleefully sauteing midgets.  HE'S LEARNT TO HOLD A CARVING FORK.  RUN FOR YOUR LIVES.


Wow, looks great...



Let's go ahead and move those quotation marks to the word "salad"

Nothing says holiday tradition more than "Let's set the salad course on fire."



Time to earn your stripes boy...



He's behind you.

They say, if you eat a bowl of frosted flakes, and "They're grrreat" three times, Tony the slightly too touchy tiger will appear.



Jolly good 



I don't think your ready for this jelly....

Ladies! Be more sociable! Wear nothing but your finest heels and a matching plate of jelly to your next dinner party.



I just woke up this morning and thought, "You know what would go a flippity flopping treat whilst I make the kids waffles?  Meth."

Oh god.  Those eyes.



Coming to a cinema near you:  Italian Rapunzel - Tangle-iatelle  ;)

I'll see myself out. 

There's just so much to love about this picture.  The mans face.  The shoes.  The fact that this is supposed to be a pasta factory and he's just swinging around on there like he doesn't quite know what's coming out of the machine.




Campbells: Serving you soup with a side of nightmares.

Ugh.  The head tilt.  UGH.



Do you have any vintage advertisements decorating your home?  Do they give you the creeps?  Comment below!



17 comments:

  1. I got goosebumps just looking at that Bean boy which can be the cover of any Stephen King horror books.
    Have a great weekend, Emma!
    Angie

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Totally agree with you Angie, have no idea what they were thinking!

      Hope you had an equally awesome weekend!

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  2. What is awesome?! ALLLL of this! Where did you even find these? LOOOOVE them!

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  3. Girl, you crack me up. The bean kid freaks me out the most, and I saw on FB you decorated your office with these. *shudder* I'm just glad they're no clowns here. Literally wiping sweat from brow on the vintage creepy clown front.

    Oh, and... don't real scots men never wear underwear? "Want a nice bowl of paedo cereal from BIG *wink* uncle Otis, kids?"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I did have a clown one as well! I twas selling 'Kool aid' and it had the creepiest face mask ever. But it freaked me out too much!

      Ugh, the more you think about the uncle Otis the more it creeps me out!

      Delete
  4. Every single one is creepy but none more so than super creepy bean boy.... I used to love beans but now I am scared of them incase bean boy pops up in my kitchen!!!! It is funny when you look back at how creepy, sexist and damn right racist old adverts were. Thank god times have changed :D Still freaking out about bean boy!

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    Replies
    1. Haha, can you imagine that as a horror film idea?! BEAN BOY. We could make millions!

      Delete
  5. I'm not sure I even want to know how you found these. The waffle one TERRIFIES me. I love your Friday posts though <3 x

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  6. These are amazing. Most of them are a bit creepy, especially the waffle one!

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    Replies
    1. That one makes me laugh! Wish I had the whole advert to find out the context!

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  7. Creepy beans and Frosted Flake ads totally sell me.. I love that creep factor! ;)

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    Replies
    1. Hahaha, brilliant. They wouldn't do bad on Halloween!

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  8. I love these kinds of things. The beans and waffles posts are the creepiest.

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    Replies
    1. I'm noticing that they appear to be the creepiest to people!

      Delete
  9. OOOoo flippity flop my tummy aches from laughing now! Bravo forking funny post

    ReplyDelete

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