Life as Food Blogger TFIF
15 food blogger problems11/07/2014
I've written a behind the scenes of being a food blogger , I've told you my favourite foodie videos , shared my confusion over food...
I've written a behind the scenes of being a food blogger, I've told you my favourite foodie videos, shared my confusion over foodie trends and I've shared with you my food photography blunders   . And now, on a cold manky Friday, I give you 15 things that kinda irritate me as a food blogger.
Because nothing cheers me up more than laughing at gifs. Is that bad?
I dunno. Blame Buzzfeed.
When little bits of garlic get stuck in my garlic press.
"Get out you slimy little gits!"
I like to use fresh garlic, sometimes I don't purely because my number one pet hate about my garlic crusher is that the garlic rarely comes all the way out and I have to spend a good 5 minutes poking all the bits out with a skewer. Not cool.
Feeling like an idiot when cooking around accomplished / trained chefs.
"Why won't my hands work?! I swear, I know how to use a spoon usually!"
I've been to a few blogging events where an accomplished chef / food magician watches you make one of their recipes and every time my body just forgets basic motor skills. For instance: Moving or speaking coherently. Whether I nearly choke on my own tongue whilst trying to talk, or fall arse over tit, it happens every time. I once forgot how to ask for "more milk" and ending up mooing whilst pointing at the jug. I ACTUALLY MOOED. That one still comes back to haunt me as I try to sleep.
When I decide to read other blog posts when I'm nowhere near any kind of food.
"I'm no where near food and you all are talking about your doughnut orgies"
A nice form of torture, looking at other people's amazing food blogs whilst you're stuck at work / on the train / have an empty fridge and no money.
When I touch an obscenely hot saucepan handle."AHHH &*^"$! WHY IS THIS MADE OF METAL!?"
Seriously manufacturers. Sort it out. You might think maybe I should buy saucepans without metal handles. But I'm an idiot, so who really is to blame here?
Knowing I can't afford to buy an expensive kitchen appliance I really want.
"However if I don't buy anything else ever for 6 years, I might be able to afford this."
Two magical words. Kitchen Showroom. You beautiful bastard, why do you make me want things so bad!?
Adding the final flourishes to a dish after hours of cooking....
"Screw it. I'm tired. It's done."
The moment where you've been cooking so long that you're weary and tired. You're pretty sure you might be dead, and you definitely aren't hungry. You throw on some flourishes, mic drop and walk away. You are done. Enjoy the fruits of my labour loved ones.
When I try making bread and the damn dough won't rise."Equal pain for non-rising yorkshire puddings."
Worst thing in the world after hours of prepping and kneading? No rise. Let's all face facts and admit that it's either luck or wizards that get bread to come out perfect everytime.
When I decide to try out some gluten free, vegan cookies but don't understand any of the ingredients...
"Extra points for asking befuddled tesco employees for arrowroot powder"
I like to experiment, I'm sure most people reading this do, some gluten free vegan cookies are amazing, some are brilliant, some have ingredients so confusing in them that I actually wonder if I'm reading a page out of Harry Potter.
When I make something for a bake sale and have a cheeky taste - and it's the best I've ever made.
"Why are the ones I have to give away, always the best ones?!"
I'm not saying we should all make our worst cakes for charity, and obviously the better the cake, the more they will sell. But man, the best brownies I ever made were shipped out of the door before I could even say goodbye. no photos. Just the bittersweet memory of a cheeky taste before they were ripped out of my arms forever.
When I serve my friends / family a meal with that strange new ingredient I heard about online, and they act like it's poison.
Cue three hours of explaining what you just gave them.
For instance: Quinoa. Terrine. Matcha cupcakes. Flourless cake. Courgette pasta. All amazing. All chewed on like they were sampling poison.
That all powerful feeling the first time I used a blowtorch
"EVERYTHING WILL BURN"
From the moment bursts of flame spewed from my wand of destruction there was no stopping me. I melted cheese, glazed sugar and melted gummy bears (extra points as I put on an evil mastermind accent during the rampage). There was no stopping me! At least until my husband took it off me and put it out of my reach.
When I first started out and I whisked/mixed everything by hand.
"I could give popeye a run for his money baby"
Pfft, who needs an expensive mixer? I could do this all day. With minimal burn. Let me put this bowl over your head. They won't fall 'cause of my stiff peaks. I made these peaks baby. LOOK AT MY PEAKS.
...and trying to whisk/mix by hand after I got used to my beloved mixer.
"I'm so weak. This hurts so much."
"I'm so weak. This hurts so much."
You're mixer is broken, but this whisking stuff used to be easy, remember? The only reason you got a mixer was to save time. I mean now you can mix cake batter AND eat cake batter at the same time. Pffft, You can whisk NO PROBLEM.
.....aaaaaaaaaaaaaand your arms fell off. Oops.
How I feel after national -random food- week
"Cake for breakfast. Just doing my part for National cake week"
I don't pretend to understand why we do this, but if someone on the internet tells me it's national sandwich week, I'm going to make a sandwich. For the people, dammit.
...and my reaction when I hear of people who have no idea it's National -random food- week.
"but the internet said! IT SAID!"
What about the people!? WHAT ABOUT THEM?!
(All gifs sourced from giphy.)
What grinds your gears? Comment below!