How I create a recipe


Let's sit down and have "the talk" - Since you asked (no one asked)  This is where recipes come from.

When someone, like myself and food love each other very much, they want to create a recipe together.  Pahaha, I can't even continue on that route, I'm actually giggling at my desk, I'm too British for this.

Creating recipes are complex and strange thing, because I've never met one person that does it the same way..

I once asked a TV baker for his process in creating a recipe.  He said he thought of his cookbook style, what his chapters were going to be around, what flavours he could use, and then went from there. 

I watched an interview once with a TV chef (My memory fails me as to which one) who said that he puts days of research into each dish, testing different flavours and textures and using his base knowledge of prior recipes to get it right.

Then there are some people who have a recipe they love and strip it down to make it healthier.  Every creation story is individual.

My process is a little different.  It all depends on how hungry I am, what's in my fridge and then throw a whole shit-load of luck in there as well.

Here is my thought process - From start to finish.  A conversation with myself, and the birth (if you like) of a recipe that is on this blog - You'll probably guess which one before hand, but I will tell you at the end...


- I am so hungry.  All I've seen today on the internet is pictures of pie.

- I quite fancy a pie actually.

- ARGH LET'S DO THIS.

-Right, the fridge, my second source of inspiration.  Hello you beautiful bastard.

- Aaaand it's pretty empty.  Why is it always empty?

- Can I be bothered to go to the shop?  This time of evening who knows what sort of ruffians could be hanging around outside.

- Ugh, and you just KNOW they will ask you to buy them booze.  And their ring leader will probably be smaller than I am.

- Ah, c'mon, it will only take 5 minutes.. I can get pastry for the pie!

- I'm already in my pyjamas though.  Hmmm...

- Unless I made a stew instead.  I could totally make a stew.  I have all the ingredients for a stew.

- Hmmmm, but maybe I was right to make a pie?  Maybe I could do one with a potato top instead of a pastry?

- Easy way to decide this.  If I have potatoes, I'm making a pie.

- SCORE.  I found potatoes in the pantry.  PIE IS A GO PEOPLE.

- Ah crap.  There's washing up in the sink.  Why is there ALWAYS washing up.

- A lot of washing up, actually.  Eww, and the sponge is slimey.  And there's food in the plughole.  Fantastic.

- Guess I'm cleaning out the plughole then.

-Ergh.  When the hell did we have spaghetti?  Last week?  The one before?

-Ahh man, my chopping board is at the bottom all covered in grease!

- That's fine.  I'll wash that first then.  Whilst preheating the oven.  For my pie.  God I'm so good at multitasking.  I should have my own show.

- And people would say "Gosh, how does she do it?!"

- Pretty sure that would be the name of my show.  It would also be my catchphrase.  BOING!  "How DOES SHE DO IT?!"  -Fake laugh track-

- And the camera would zoom in and I'd shrug and be like "I'm just normal folks!"

- This is actually starting to sound like a sitcom.

- Either way I'd probably be dressed real nice.  Like stock photo nice.  Lots of white trousers, drapes and no slimey sponges.

- And I wouldn't be in my pyjamas.  Probably.

- Actually screw the white trousers, these PJS have happy vegetables on them.  Way cooler.

- Hmmm, speaking of vegetables, what ones do I have in my empty fridge?

- Slightly off looking Mushrooms, a sorry looking carrot and some kale.  Interesting.  Interesting.

- I bet Jamie Oliver would be able to make an 8 course meal out of that.

- And he'd be all like, I love a bit of kale, throw that in.

- He probably would wear Pyjamas too.

- Okay, Jamie.  You're on.  I am going to use Kale in my pie.  I can be sophisticated and junk.

- God, why do they only sell shredded kale at the market?  It gets everywhere.  It is impossible to only bring a handful out.

- Grr!  It's like the leaves hug onto their shredded brethren.  "IF YOU LEAVE, I LEAVE.  DON'T LET GO KALE-LEIGH!"

- Pahaha.  Brilliant name for my humanoid kale.  Kayleigh, .. Kale-leigh... Kaleigh? pahahah.

- Apparently kale goes well with eggs... maybe I should make something with kale and eggs?

- The stinky duo.  Kaleigh and er... Edgar?  Eggar?  Benedict?  Gregg?

- I sense there is a childrens story in this.  I am just rolling in good ideas today.

- ....aaaaaaaaand surprise!  We have no eggs.  Back to the pie we go.  This is gonna be good.  I can feel it.

- Okay.  Let's get some garlic in there.  Garlic must go in every pie.

- I hate peeling garlic.  Why is it so fiddly?

- It's at moments like this I remember those garlic presses that I keep forgetting to buy.

- But when I'm in the cookshop, it's all "Buy this random chicken jug!" and "Get this chocolate mould shaped like daleks!"

- Bloody brain.

- Garlic is peeled and crushed.  Finally.  In the pan it goes.  Let's glug some oil in there...

- How have I made this much mess from just peeling garlic?

- Just found some shredded kale on the floor.  Point proven.  It. Gets.  Everywhere.

- Chop the onions.  Onions are a must.

- Oh god, this is a strong onion.

- Abort!  Abort!  My eyes are on FIRE.

- Why are onions so freakin evil?  Everytime!

- Mascara companies would make a mint if they targeted people peeling onions.

- Though knowing them, the chef would be some beautiful tall woman, who would daintily wipe away one stupid tear as she cut up one tiny bit of onion.  In her stupidly tidy and bright kitchen.  In her stupid white trousers.

- Right, Garlic is as black as my mascara smudges.  Ah well.  Adds to the flavour.

- Bollocks.  Just realised I forgot to peel and boil the potatoes for the topping.

- Gah! My timings are off.  They do say never cook when you're hungry...

- But then, like... when are you supposed to cook?!  Isn't the point of being hungry to make some food to eat?

- I'm thinking way too deep into this.  Back to my pie.

- Right.  This is definitely looking more like a stew.  Stew it is.  We'll say it was supposed to be that way.

- Transfer to stock pot is going well.  Only a few runaway onion pieces.

- Right, stock.  Need some stock.

- I don't care what anyone says, stock reminds me of crap school dinners.

- and it's beautiful. -GIANT SNIFF-  Everything on school dinners had crap stocky gravy on it.

- Chips?  Put some gravy on it.

- Sausage and mash?  Put some gravy on it.

- Beans?  Put some gravy on it.

- Pudding?  Put some gravy on it.

- Damn it, I really want sausage and mash now.  I don't want stupid pie stew.

- Could I have a side of sausage and mash with my pie stew?  Maybe I could do a sausage stew.

- Feck it.  I have some sausages.  Let's make a sausage stew.

- This means I HAVE to put some beans in this.

- It's like an unwritten sausage rule.

- Sausage is a weird word.

- SAU SAGE

- Sahhh Sige

- SAWWW SAGDE

- Now it sounds stupid.  Pfft.

-I should definitely make this into a post, I bet it's gonna look badass.

- Must not forget to prick the sausages.  Don't want them all puffed up and exploding oil like last time.

- Must make a mental note to put that in the post.  Don't want people coming to me saying my recipe caused a sausage to explode in their eye.

- Ha.  That's a funny image.

- Can you imagine explaining that to an A&E doctor?

- Though to be honest, I watched a programme on BBC3 about people who had gone into A&E with weird injuries like lightbulbs stuck up their bums so maybe sausage oil incidents wouldn't be that weird.

- Like how would you even stick a light bulb up there?  Without it even breaking?

- Actually kind of impressed and repulsed at the same time.

- I'm concerned that I'm thinking too much into this.

- Hmm, this whole time I've been thinking about lightbulb colonics, I've added too many lentils to this stew.

- Naturally.

- This dinner is a disaster.

- Alas I continue on as I refuse to waste food.  Even over-lentil-ed sausage pie stew casserole.

- Hey brain, remember that time we ate very burnt homemade banana chips?

- Good times.  Good times.

- I will peel my potatoes.  For my mash.  I am having mash with this now.

- So actually, this is more of a casserole.

- Just had a lightbulb moment.  Giggle.  I am making a casserole.

- I can use my new casserole dish!  Let's transfer from stock pot to dish...

- Wow, my washing up pile is really stacking up.  And all I've done is burn some garlic and transfer cold vegetables between three containers.

- Screw it.  Let's just put this whole mess in the oven and see how it comes out.

- Good job I forgot to turn off the oven from earlier.  Even if it is now hotter than the sun.

- Ahh, added bonus is the extreme heat from half an hour of pre-heating means it's burnt all the cheese stains to a crisp.

- I should probably clean my oven soon.

- But then again, it's probably just seasoned, right?

- Like with cast iron pans?

- Yeah I'm sticking with that if anyone ever comments on the cheese stains.

- And they'll probably believe me if I put enough confidence into it.

- Food blogger bullshit.  That should totally be a thing.

- Things like "Oh my oven is seasoned, and it wasn't supposed to come out that way but it was 10 times better that it did!"

- Is it done yet?

- I could wash up I suppose..

- Ughh, I'm too HUNGRY to wash up.

- I'm so hungry I don't feel hungry anymore.

- I can at least put the potatoes on the boil for the mash.

- So productive.  If only my teachers could see me now.

- Let's give it a quick check.  Ohh it actually looks like a thing.  IT LOOKS LIKE REAL FOOD.

- Maybe I should post this.  Hmm, what's the weather like outside?

- Pants.  It's sunny.  Not exactly stew weather.

- But this isn't a stew really is it?  It's a Pie-stew-casserole.

- Hmm... what would be a good name for that?

- I'm so rubbish at naming recipes.  Casserstew?  Stewpie?

- Pfft that is stupid.

- hang on.... STEW-pid.

- STEWPID!  Yes, let's work with that.  Hmm..

- Ah man, I dunno.  Stewpid Sausarole?

- Hold on, can I remember what I actually put in this?

- Garlic, onion.. carrot.. a shitload of kale and then I got sidetracked thinking about stuff...

- Ah well.  Nevermind.  At least I remember what went into the sauce.

- Only because I've not tidied up any of the ingredients.

- It pays to be messy kids.

- THE TIMER HAS GONE OFF.  I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY.

- Ah man, the sausages do NOT look cooked.  Must check with husband.

- "If you think they're cooked, serve them"

- What an answer.

- That puts all blame on me if we get the trots.

- Screw it.  I'll put it in for five more minutes.

- This is the longest five minutes of my life.

- I swear, this has been about 5 years.

- I'm soooo hungryyyyyyyy.

- TIMER!  TIMER!

- That looks better... right?  I'm sure it's cooked.  I mean, it's got to be, everything is bubbling around it.

- Dishin up my stew-a-role.  This is a real mish-mash of food.

- Mash, hah.

- DAMN IT I FORGOT THE POTATOES.


And that ladies and gents, was how I came to create this recipe.  Which if made properly won't use up 3 different pots and pans.  I'd like to point out that I'd made it twice after that and several times since.  And I didn't forget the potatoes the next time.




What's your way of creating a recipe?  Are you more structured?  Do you go off on tangents?  Comment below!




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8 comments:

  1. Love this -- although I would have gone with "stewpid sauserole", which of course means that no one would have read the post. Recipe-wise, I am more of a stripper -- well, not the kind in the club you got invited to blog about but the kind that tries to turn fat- or Frito-laden recipes into healthy ones. Well, healthy-ish. Or rather, healthy-ish-er.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha stripper, that made me laugh - hurrah for the strippers! Cheers for reading :D

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  2. Now that's a thought process, Emma. You are an entertainer :-)) I guess I would never be a recipe creator.

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  3. HAHA I loved your recipe process that was so much fun to read! I am super similar :)

    Cheers
    Choc Chip Uru

    ReplyDelete
  4. Can you please do this for every one of your recipes? Thank you! ;)

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  5. Loved this post so much made me giggle. When I am at home for longer periods of time I am very much like this throwing in this and that pretending all the time I know what I am doing!!! Then thank all deities when it turns out okay. Other times when I know I am going to be away at sea for a while I have to plan things out a little so I can over all bases and get a lot of cooking done in a short period. I always have masses of washing up to do as well, where does it all come from? I am sure it breeds in the sink!!!!!!

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  6. Oh my god that was hilarious. Totally DEAD

    "Pretty sure that would be the name of my show. It would also be my catchphrase. BOING! "How DOES SHE DO IT?!" -Fake laugh track-

    - And the camera would zoom in and I'd shrug and be like "I'm just normal folks!"

    I would watch the shit out of that show. Just saying... :P

    ReplyDelete

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