Blunders Life as Food Blogger TFIF
Food Photography blunders 39/12/2014
So this post is a little late today because I've been on a road trip, visiting in hospital, three parties and multiple other things for...
So this post is a little late today because I've been on a road trip, visiting in hospital, three parties and multiple other things for husbands birthday, which was yesterday. SO now I'm finally home, and I'm going to whack out a food photography blunders.
When it comes to food and the internet, I haven't had the best of luck. That's what happens when you're a gullible twit who doesn't think things through.
Like the time I typed in "naughty courgette recipes" whilst on a diet, to try and find something desirable whilst retaining a sense of health and instead came across a nudist cooking class in America whose slogan was "CAMEMBERT ALL!" and I saw pictures of all sorts of flaccid bananas flapping around kitchen work surfaces.
Or the time I used a random experimental recipe from Google, without trying it first, and had the weirdest flan-type birthday cake ever to take to a party. No one liked it. My feelings were hurt. A flan went in the bin. I fell to my knees and screamed to the heavens. A normal Sunday evening.
But my main problem is, that out there on the internet, is lots of awful awful food photos, that I have taken, because I AM THE MASTER of awful awful food photography. Yet I am so bloody proud of each weird little collection of pixels because, well, it's like loving a three legged dog, it's got a few bits missing but it means you love that weird little bastard all the more.
Let's not beat around the bush. Let's get to it.
To catch up on my brilliant photography and editing skills take a look at Food photography blunders 1 and Food photography blunders 2.
Seriously. Yummers.Hey guys, it appears that at one point in my life I thought I could say/type the word yummers without a single hint of irony. I am fully aware now, that I cannot pull off the word 'yummers', nor can I pull off saying y'all or any sort of text speak. I am not hip or cute enough for these things. Don't worry though, I've redeemed this whole situation by giving it a thumbs up. That's what cool people do and I do a thumbs up pretty damn well. Extra points for fitting a jug into this picture and for somehow only cooking the outside of the cookies.
B-CupcakesLet's get the main thing out of the way, those cupcakes look like a big old pair of funbags. It wasn't even intentional. Which means that this was a subconscious act, so we won't even go there. I had just started to learn how to pipe icing and so that little plop on top is my little flourish. All of this, topped off with silver balls, because we've discussed this, balls make things classy as f*ck. For some reason there are also flowers in this picture and the classic overexposure of one of those cheesy Mills & Boon novels.
I made that for you. You are welcome.
In this crazy hectic world, in a kitchen in England, an oven produced a pair of shoes. It's like that fairy tale where midgets make shoes in a tree or something. But with sausages and puff pastry. Only the gods can answer why a classic sausage roll, came out looking like clogs, but I think we should embrace it. Or make a movie out of it....
Not mushroom for jokes.
To properly describe my feelings for this picture, I need to show you another picture:
I think I can say, on behalf of all the world, that is all that needs to be said on the matter.
Sex and the shitty
I made this at about the time I was watching a lot of sex and the city, and thought cocktails were the height of sophistication. You can't tell from the lack of focus, but that there, sticking out of the concoction is a parrot on a stick, which I thought was very cosmopolitan. Pirates are in, right? Ignore the lack of focus, the random beer cans and the fact that it can apparently shoot laser beams from it's stem, because this got me sloshed, good and proper, all in the name of science. Science? Yeah, why not. Science.
I don't blame you if you won't want to try these burnt crossiants. I was told the recipe I used would make my dough rise like an overly enthusiastic zombie and what I got was several deformed crab claws. Whoever said that making your own pastry was way more rewarding than heading to a bakery obviously hasn't spent 5 hours chilling, kneading and shaping, only to have this be the end result. My reaction of course, was to take a picture, on the same plate as always, and put it on my blog because apparently, displaying these to my family wasn't enough humiliation.
Obvious Burger is obvious.
It's not just the bad overly yellow picture here, or the fact that this bloody flowery plate is making ANOTHER appearance, but it's the tagline that truly gets me. "I made these turkey burgers using turkey and spices and bread" . It just makes me laugh every time.
Speaking of grammatical mistakes, there will probably be hundreds in this post alone because I wrote this between parties and I don't have time to read-through. That's how much I love you all.
Have a great weekend!
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