Food Photography Blunders 2


We have a problem.  Take a real look into those food magazines you buy.  They are all photoshopped.

I'll let that sink in.

Feel for the utterly impossible beauty standards for our good old fashioned cakes and bakes to live up too.

Make yourself and your food feel a little better by taking a gander through the photos and meals I did when I first started out.

So without further adieu, I give you....  My second dose of food photography blunders.  You can read the first here.



Fantastic mash
"But Emma..!"  I hear you cry...  "All this needs is some white balance, levels adjustment and perhaps some focus!"  You stroke your chin, and ponder my art for a second.  "A bit of editing..."  You say...  "And these mashed potatoes would look fantastic!"

Thank you!  Yes, of course.... Except... this is supposed to be English pancake batter.  You know?  The runny crepe like batter that looks like double cream?

And I'm pretty sure that you aren't supposed to be able to stand a wooden spoon up in pancake batter.

I mean call me crazy, or whatever, but I'm pretty sure it's not supposed to look like mashed potato either.



Schroedingers' bread 
I have a tip for you.  Bread looking too burnt to call rustic?  Slap an orgy of poppy seeds on that bad boy and call yourself an artisan baker.

It's really kind of genius actually.  People will say "That bread is burnt" And you can give them a sort of Schrödinger's cat type metaphor because we will never REALLY know if the bread is burnt or not burnt with all those poppy seeds up in there.

Feelin' retro? Place it on a plastic chopping board with a plastic handled knife instead of using their wooden equivalents.  Make sure the board is nice and dirty too, lots of cut marks in there.

Go against the grain.  No bun intended.  #FoodStylingTips



Butt-cheek Brownies
Let's take a full lazy minute to appreciate that I somehow made a brownie bite look like a nice little butt-cheek and then put THAT particular brownie center stage.

TADA.

The brilliant, BRILLIANT thing is I remember desperately trying to edit the butt-cheek brownie out using the clone tool.  And the effect was so bad, I just gave up.  This particular recipe, is still up on my blog.  And butt cheek brownie is proudly hiding in one of the photos.

See if you can spot him.  I will give you a prize*

*I won't.



Oriental Star
I have another tip for you.  If you're chinese stir fry came out looking a little bitty and not at all appetizing. You can just put green beans on top and call it "Jungle chic".

"Oh that?  Yeah, it's how it's supposed to look.  God, you're so unsophisticated"

I promise it will only look a little bit like you tried to cover up a dog poo with some grass.  Promise.



The Shittata
There really was no need to put such a massive watermark on this image.  No one is going to want to pass it off as their own.  No one will steal this image.

There are no words.  This was on my blog FOR A YEAR.


Crapjacks
Capture the pure golden joy of your flapjacks by shooting with an awful yellow filter.  Don't forget to go so close that it can only focus on random bits of oatmeal.

#PhotographyTips


Cakes against humanity
I have ANOTHER tip for you.  Have you burnt your muffins AGAIN? Are they looking a little dry and not like muffins at all because you used cupcake cases?! Have you got stuck talking like a 60's infomercial?

I suggest artfully stacking them (burnt ones at the bottom please) and lightly drizzling them with caramel sauce.

AHH I SAID DRIZZLE NOT POUR.


COSMO CAKE
Ignore the TV chefs, You don't need an piping bag to ice your cupcakes.  I highly recommend using a large, unmanageable jug that the sauce rushes out of without warning to achieve this highly coveted look.

Did you spill a bit?  I suggest rolling with the punches and just spilling it everywhere.  Yeah baby, that shit looks hot.

For extra flair, up the brightness to make your cakes really shine.

Be proud of your previous pictures guys.  This is proof THAT WE ALL HAVE TO LEARN!

Apart from the shittata, I just... I don't have an excuse for that.



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19 comments:

  1. oh my god the green beans are priceless! "A" for effort on that one. Yep everyone (or maybe just food bloggers...) has these photos, I love that you share them and are HILARIOUS.

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  2. Haha, loved this post! Really brightened up my Friday afternoon (10 minutes to go!) Thankfully your photography is always on point (bar these examples)!

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    1. Thanks Amy, I can't lie and say it's been an easy job!

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  3. This post is brilliant! It's refreshing to see that food bloggers make the same mistakes as everyone else! The butt-cheek brownies are my favourite. :)

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    1. Cheers Jenny, They buttcheek brownie WAS tasty, so there's that...

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  4. Very funny writing Emma as usual you made me laugh out loud!

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  5. Lol butt-cheek brownie :D We all have those photo's. I have often been tempted to go back and re-do old posts, usually when I am feeling intimidated from ready other peoples blogs. But then i think no I wont why should I be ashamed I used an iphone 3 in the beginning after all that was all I had. I still don't have a fancy camera! Also I spend my time creating new recipes I don't have time to go back re-bake everything because of a few bad photo's. I loved this and the first article, you have a natural gift to make me laugh :)

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    1. Exactly! That's the only thing we can do.. that and laugh at ourselves. Thanks Emma, your comment made me smile!

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  6. I am horrible at using photoshop..the only thing I can do is to resize the photos...my oatmeal bars look very much like yours..the only difference is mine was blueish LOL

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    1. Your pictures are so fab you don't NEED photoshop Angie! :)

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  7. Very, very funny! Well done for sharing what others keep hidden....

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  8. This is brilliant. As long as it tastes good then looks aren't important!

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  9. Haha, love it! Butt-cheek brownies are my favourite...

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  10. This post made me laugh so much. There are some foods that are just impossible to photograph in a manner that makes them look appetizing.

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  11. Crying with laughter. I choked I was laughing so hard. Bloody brilliant. Now off to reread to my husband who's wondering what's so funny. Perfect lie-in material. Thanks!

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