Life as Food Blogger TFIF
50 things that happen when you learn to cook8/01/2014
When I started to learn how to cook a few years back, my life was utterly changed. Suddenly I found myself squeezing vegetables in superm...
When I started to learn how to cook a few years back, my life was utterly changed. Suddenly I found myself squeezing vegetables in supermarkets, and knowing how to prepare things from scratch. It wasn't until I made friends that shared my love of cooking that I realised we are all an odd bunch and we do a lot of weird things....
Here's a list of 50 that I could think of... feel free to add yours ;)
- You have burnt or melted almost every spoon or spatula you own.
- Screw perfecting souffles. Learning to flip a pancake is your greatest achievement.
- You show off cooking related burns and cuts like a badge of honor.
- You cannot, and will not abide microwaveable meals.
- You get very attached to your oven. In fact, you may have named it. (Mine is called Mr. Burns.)
- You sometimes feel guilty for using shop bought things (sauces / pre-made pastries / pastas)
- But most of that time the guilt is overtaken by the fact that you have a life and other hobbies and don't have time to make everything from scratch.
- You have a pinterest board of kitchens you'd like. It's probably called kitchen porn.
- Any attempts at implementing these ideas into your own kitchen makes you realise how impractical about 88% of the ideas are.
- You are slightly suspicious if someones kitchen is immaculate.
- You have made at least one recipe that looks like actual poo. You ate it anyway. You don't waste food.
- You wish recipes included a rating on how much washing up there will be.
- You have at least 3 cookbooks that you've never cooked anything from, you just really like the pictures.
- You get recipe envy at least 3 times a day. DAMN YOU TALENTED DINGDONGS.
- You own 20 aprons but you hardly ever wear them. You usually use them to dry your hands on or wipe food spills off your face.
- You have at least one "I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO COOK" meltdown a month.
- Going for a 'quick peek' in a cook shop usually ends in you being in serious debt.
- You get inspiration in weird places. Weirdest one for me: A crumbling mound of bricks made me want to make shortbread.
- You know that cooking with children isn't the jolly -smiley-happy-shit that you're lead to believe. One of my friends kids thought it would be funny if I farted and flour came out. She then proceeded to try and put flour in my knickers whenever both my hands were occupied.
- When you make bread for the first time you feel invincible. You must resist all urges to wax lyrical about the good old days.
- You have been known to sit in front of your oven and watch your food cook. Sometimes you talk to it.
- You have acted like you're in a cooking show at least once. It would perhaps be the weirdest cooking show in the world.
- You sniff everything before you put it in the mixture. You don't know why, but you just can't stop.
- You refuse to throw anything away in case it comes in handy for a recipe at some point. This is why you have several rotten veg hiding at the back of your fridge somewhere.
- You taste something amazing in a restaurant. You immediately start thinking of how you could replicate it at home.
- But only after you've told the food how much you love it, swore a couple of times and told everyone this is the best day of your life.
- You know that 3 hours cooking = 15% prep 20% cooking 65% clean up.
- Your local shop starts selling a weird food you've been reading about for months, You dance in the isle.
- You have used the excuse "Well, I did all the cooking, perhaps you should wash up..." Then you lean back in your chair, twirl your mustache and do your best evil plan laugh.
- You end up washing up anyway. They know you too well. Life sucks.
- If someone asks you what your favourite food is, you raise an eyebrow and wonder what the world is coming to.
- That feeling when a recipe you didn't think would work comes out perfectly and you wonder if you'll ever be able to make it again.
- Likewise, when a recipe you've made a thousand times goes seriously seriously wrong and you want to set fire to it and kick it into next doors garden.
- You will never understand that even though you equally portioned out cupcake mixture, you have that one mutant one that grows horrifically large. You eat that one. That one is yours.
- You use the wrong knife for the wrong job and feel like a badass who just won't quit.
- Slightly burning the edges of a dish, means you get to call it a 'rustic touch'.
- You don't understand people who only use one type of oil. You don't even care that you sound like a pretentious ass.
- Most people have crushes on celebrities. You have a list of chefs & bakers you'd like to bone.
- A lot of your kitchen gadgets that would "save you time" are gathering dust because they are hard to clean.
- But you use the novelty ones more than you care to admit. 'Chicken measuring jugs, tardis salt and pepper pots.... russian doll kitchen timers...'
- You have a favourite mixing bowl and a favourite wooden spoon. You will mourn them when they die.
- You try making cookies, they come out more like cakes. Instead of admitting you went wrong, you rename them 'cakies" and claim them to be better anyway. You're pretty sure this was how the cronut was invented.
- Every month brings a new obsession. Wether it's a new piece of equipment, a new ingredient or just putting garlic in everything...
- Whenever families birthdays come along, you are given food duties / cake duties.
- You have one favourite recipe that you don't want to share. Ever. You will make it for people but the recipe is yours.
- You secretly wonder how Nigella does it. When you're cooking you're sweaty, you swear a lot, cut yourself and somehow get food in your hair.
- You get an overwhelming urge to photograph weird shaped fruits & vegetables. "Look at my weird lemon... Look, my potato has a willy...."
- There is a food stain on pretty much every piece of clothing you own.
- When faced with a new vegetable you ask yourself ... "Will it blend? Will it spiralize? Will it grill? Will it go inside a cake?"
- People don't even cast a glance when you whip out your camera to photograph your food anymore....
Happy Friday everyone! There won't be a post for a few days as it's my brother's birthday on Saturday, mine on Sunday and therefore there will be lots of parties / cake eating / dancing going on.
See you next week!
See you next week!
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