I've been asked a few times (okay twice). What's the deal with your dog? Do you take her everywhere with you? How can you describe your dog as a best friend?! I once had someone tell me that I should post her less on here. We all remember that hilarious farce of an email, right?
Well, this Sunday (1st March) is her 12th Birthday, so if there ever was a time to dedicate a chunk of space to my furry crap-machine, this would be it.
When I was 13, my parents tried to bribe me into being less of a narcissistic lazy butt-lord by promising me a puppy. It would be my puppy. The deal was I had to train it, clean up after it, feed it, name it and generally take care of it. For life.
I spent nights laying awake, imagining life with my future best buddy. I expected a happy-go-lucky mutt, that would bring me my Mizz & smash hits magazines and basically be a mix of every dog from any Disney movie ever.
|Spoilet alert: This Didn't Happen|
What I got was this sassy little package of black fur....
Here's a tip; 13 year olds don't have the best ideas for dog names. She was called Princess FuFu for about an hour, then Black beauty, before my dad shut that down and I settled on Genna. I'm pretty sure I picked that name because it sorta sounded like mine. I am cool.
So she had her name, and her place by my bed. I patiently awaited my instant Disney dog and instead I got a dog who adopted the personality of a teenage girl, the eye-roll of Tiny Fey and the sarcastic glare of Chandler Bing.
Thing is; I wouldn't have it any other way. She's the dogs bollocks, even without dog bollocks.
|We can laugh about my school uniform later, ok?|
So, you've given a dramatic 13 year old a puppy. You'll given her complete control over this animals life. You bet your ass that dog ended up in a wig.
OKAY MULTIPLE WIGS.
Now let's deal with the reality. Puppies are hard work. Most 13 year olds are completely immune to this word. I was NO exception. Life is pretty sweet at this age, yeah you're hormonal and you hate everyone, but your mum still makes you dinner and you're biggest problem is which cast member of Harry Potter to crush on this week.
|Okay, there was no decision. It was mostly this guy.|
I remember crying because I had to miss top of the pops by carrying a gleely weeing Genna outside. There were a lot of times I was annoyed because she didn't want to sit quietly with me when I was reading. I remember every time she nipped me playfully, I would scream SHE HATES ME and dramatically fall into my bed.
|And she ate ALOT of shoes.|
I can't remember the turning point, probably around the time I stopped making it all about me, but we became inseparable.
I mean, yes, She deals with most problems in life by putting her arse on it. She wipes her butt on anything I value and then looks like she's done me a favour. I'm going to cut this whole paragraph short and just say I deal with her butt for about 60% of the day.
Seriously, she's more butt obsessed than Kim Kardigimon, or whatever her name is.
|Anyone obsessively watch and play digimon as a kid?|
|Are you seriously wearing that today? I haven't rubbed my arse on it yet.|
So yes, she will sometimes ditch me for food, and she can be really uppity, but she's also my soul mate. We grew up together. Even as I write this, she's sitting on my feet. It's 12 years later, I'm on my lunch break at work - My best bud is by my side.
Unless the heater is on, or a new man to impress turns up, and she's gone like a light if she hears someone opening up a sandwich.
But apart from that. We're inseparable.
She pulled all-nighters with me during exam season. During my first break up, she refused to leave my side. In fact, as I moped over blurry Nokia pictures whilst screaming Rasmus lyrics, she would reverse up and stick her arse in my face. Her universal sign of "Everything is going to be okay, look, here's my butt"
We even went through our difficult teenage emo stages at the same time. We perfected our myspace poses together. As a team.
It's a running joke in my family that if I'm ill, Gen is my nurse. If I'm sick, she barges her way into the toilet to sit with me. If she can't get in she'll scratch and bash on the door until someone opens it. Then, she is just there for me. Every 20 minutes or so, she will nudge me to check I'm still alive, and then lay back down on my feet.
When I was 16, I met Kris, now known as husband. Other boyfriends hadn't really given Gen much thought, but suddenly, Gen had a number one fan. He loved to come on walks with us and always suggested new places to take her. He didn't mind when she plonked herself between us, or that he needed her approval to win mine and he would turn up with food for her. As a result, she fell haplessly and completely in love with him.
Like dog like owner, AMIRIGHT?!
When I met Kris' family, it wasn't long before Gen came along to meet them as well. They are now our family too. She is queen of us all.
I've been told multiple times that it's like we have a secret club that no one else is invited too. We share all of life's adventures. From breakfast, to dinner to other minor stuff like moving house, getting married and growing old. My friends, are her friends. My family, is her family. Apparently, my food is her food. When I have to leave her, my mental family makes sure I'm never really without her.
She likes balloons (she picks them up by their nibs), any ball that she can squish and ice cubes. If she hears a glass clinking with ice in it, she will be right at your side, giving you puppy eyes worthy of an Oscar. If someone is fighting with me, or shouts at me in front of her, She will stand in front of me and give them the dirtiest look possible. She truly is my best friend. Just a lot hairier.
I've got her
Look, do you mind? We're having a private conversation here.
She lost weight with me, another massive change that we tackled together. I was told to exercise more, and Gen came along. As the doctor told me to put more vegetables in my dinner, the Vet told me to do the same for Gen. Which leads to a lot of scenes like this...
|Screw your carrots.|
|There's a lot of folders like this on my computer.|
|F*ck. I'm picking up signals with this thing.|
|Don't hate me 'cause you ain't me.|
So there you have it. That's why she's my best bud, that's why she appears a lot on here. I'm not saying it's been easy, I'm not saying she's been perfect, she's naughty, moody and sometimes incredibly stubborn, but I love her anyway - even if I come home to mess, or a disemboweled recycling bin or my personal favourite, a massive bum wipe from one end of the room to the other.
It's kind of her trademark.
Happy Birthday Gen. Cheers for 12 years of offering me your butt.