Last night I went to make a potato topped veggie pie. After an hour in the oven, we took it o...
Last night I went to make a potato topped veggie pie. After an hour in the oven, we took it out, ready to serve.
It wobbled as I pulled it out. It wasn't supposed to wobble.
The potato topping had disintegrated, there wasn't any sight of it. It was the consistency of thick slime and smelt like dog food.
"Hopefully it tastes better than it looks... and smells" Husband said optimistically.
We had a spoonful each to taste, and as I watched my husband decide whether to chew it, drink it or slurp it, we both started to laugh. It was then I realised I'd used psyllium husk instead of rice flour to thicken my gravy. This is my third awful meal fail of the past few weeks. I've just been a bit too tired to make stuff up off the top of my head.
This morning, I was running 10 minutes late, hair still wet, make up half done. As I was putting on some socks, I realised the rest of my clothes were downstairs in the washing basket. So there I stood, in nothing but a pair of socks that weren't even matching and I wondered why the hell I hadn't sorted out the washing last night.
Earlier in the year, I would of used these things as evidence that I was failing at yet more stuff and it sure would have felt that way at the time. Self pity is an arduous form of torture. But last night, my disappointment turned into a belly laugh. Today I sit in odd socks, they are so absurdly different that it's ridiculous and that makes me smile. I'm owning that shit right now, because I feel like I'm in a place where I finally can, and it hasn't been that way for a while.
I've been feeling pretty self reflective lately, I think it comes with the time of year. I touched on all that more eloquently in my last blog, so this one is just for me to remember, next time things get a little tough.
Alas, this is my very long winded introduction to a list that I wrote for myself to make sense of the things I've realised this throughout this year.
So let's get down to it.
1. Don't attempt to be perfect in anything, don't build your self worth on the illusion that perfection can be achieved. Just strive to do better if you can, or be comfortable with what you have.
2. Some kindly packaged, well timed judgments might be things you need to hear. Some are just a bunch of baloney from people not dealing with their own shit. Be honest with yourself when you decide which is which.
3. If you are feeling unwanted, wronged, unloved or hard done by, perhaps assess whether you are asking or expecting too much of a situation before blaming someone else entirely for it.
4. Don't feel guilty for doing stuff that makes you happy & don't feel guilty for not having the time or energy to always do those things.
5. If something is too much at this point in time, it's okay not to be 100% on top of it. Just do your best. Even if your best is the minimal.
6. No amount of fence sitting, pandering or self pity parties will stop you being judged, just like not stepping on the cracks will stop the bad stuff happening. It's just extra work to make no difference at all.
7. If people make you feel small or worthless. Ask yourself why you let them.
8. Admit when you are wrong, you will know it deep down. Be gracious when you are right. It's not about winning. Unless you are playing Mario kart. Then take no prisoners.
9. Eat lots of vegetables and some fruit, drink lots of water and walk whenever the opportunity reveals itself. Don't eat too much shit. That is all the advice you need right now relating to health.
10. Accept your part in a situation, apologise for it and move on. If other's wont, that's their choice, not yours. If they want to play the victim, let them. It's their life. Stop feeling responsible.
11. Don't put anyone on a pedestal. We're all flawed, ugly at times and make mistakes. Love the people you want in your life with all that stuff included. Equally, don't aspire to be put up on one. It's not real or as great as it looks.
12. Just because someone said something, doesn't mean it's true to you. They are viewing a situation through their own experiences.
13. If you feel relieved, you probably made the right choice.
14. If something doesn't make sense, view it from a different perspective.
15. Sometimes life just will hand you a bunch of bullshit. People will tell us it's for a reason, or will try to find a pattern in it. Sometimes all you need to know is that you are here, and eventually, with help, it will be your own version of okay.
16. It's okay to be angry sometimes, it's a really shitty idea to let that anger make all your choices for you.
17. Say no sometimes and don't make it about you if you get told no. Respect it.
18. Sometimes the best advice can come from unexpected and weird places. "Worrying just means you suffer twice" - From a fantasy film.
19. Write out what is bugging you on paper. The list won't be as long or feel as important there as it does in your head.
20. Unless you've done or experienced the exact thing you are about to offer advice on, shut up.
So yeah, to sum it up - it's mostly about doing my best (even if my best is putting on my pyjamas and slumming it for an hour or two) showing kindness even when someone has been a bit of a booby, and choosing to not have any unnecessary drama in my life.
Or when all else fails, listen to some music. I like this at the moment.
Have a good one guys.